I’m a kid person. I feel like I need to get that out into the universe. That just because I don’t HAVE kids doesn’t mean I don’t like them. Or didn’t spend a significant chunk of my years desiring them.

Sometimes I feel like being childless by circumstance is its own form of infertility. The judgment I receive (perceive?) stems from countless angles, each one twisting the knife in a new way.

The lover who declared “I can’t sleep till 11 on the weekends like you.” Ouch.

The family member who blamed “I have 4 people to keep track of-you only have one” on rudely making me wait on a yes or no answer to something.

The coworker who flat out said, “I envy your life” upon hearing I had to go to Europe “yet again.”

I get it: There are lots of DINKs and SINKs out there swinging from the chandeliers every night. Traveling to foreign lands at a moment’s notice. Wasting money on frivolous meals and sporting events. Some of these people are full of such superiority on their decision “not to add to the population.” Gag. Some, I suspect, can’t handle the thought of the messiness that accompanies little people. Others, are like me. Women and men who just couldn’t bear to do it alone.

There are also many people with kids who don’t seem to enjoy it very much. Complaining constantly, working overtime to avoid their share of the load, playing with smartphones at soccer games. These folks don’t complain to other parents, btw. They seem to deliberately seek out ears they suspect would kill to have their problems. Sometimes this is correct. Other times…

When I crossed the 40 mark without kids, I knew I couldn’t spend the rest of my life mourning not being a mom. I’m an auntie and a friend and have much to be thankful for in the name of family. To spend precious hours torturing myself over this seemed like a one-way ticket to the Bitter Kingdom. Have you ever met these folks? No thanks!

Embracing painful truths isn’t easy. Your first step is acceptance. Once you get a grasp on that, reframing the situation gets easier. An example? The older I get the more I see there’s a sort of relief that comes from not worrying (as much!) about something happening to them.

I also made the decision to actively bond with the children of my dearest friends. Actively bond, meaning being regularly present in their lives. Not just showing up now and then with a present but helping with baths, changing diapers, and in the case of one unlucky tot, creating a lasting memory by accidentally zipping up his “pee pee.”

And one of the best things about leaving my beloved Chicago is being closer to my own niece and nephew. We’ve achieved that nirvana where it’s just a normal day hanging out. It doesn’t happen nearly enough. But it IS enough.

It has to be.