When I tick off the things in my life that have improved over the last 20 years, I run out of fingers. I’m smarter, more confident, richer in time and money…

But if there’s one area where I continue to beat myself up it’s body image.

With each year, my confidence in that matter diminishes more and more. What’s worse is that I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t struggle with this. And apparently, sadly, professional female athletes are no different. Two articles stand out on this subject. One mentions that newly-crowned World Cup-winning Ally Krieger hates her thighs (and sort of her feet and calves). In the other, Serena Williams explains how covering up her shoulders helps her go incognito away from the court.

In the matchup of Strength vs. Beauty, Beauty wins 9 times out of 10. For every woman who embraces her muscles and ability, another 100 will do anything it takes to look good—even if it means sacrificing winning, in the case of these tennis players. The NY Times piece concludes quoting Eugenie Bouchard, who acknowledges that being skinny has NOT helped her tennis career. Will her honestly impact future female athletes? Probably not.

I’m neither young nor particularly athletic. My goals for my body are simple: to stay healthy and mobile. I work out not to lose weight but to stay sane and yet…and yet…on any given day, I allow 20 percent of my brain to be preoccupied by feelings of body shame. Some days, it’s comparing myself to thinner friends. Other days are filled with a self-loathing that accompanies an utter lack of willpower when it comes to nachos.

The absolute worst part in all this is the knowledge that I am one of the well-adjusted ones! I’m mostly OK with not being thin. I don’t humblebrag about my diet or workouts, I would never shame a friend for ordering dessert; indeed, if I thought I’d wasted one moment of a friend’s time bemoaning my weight, I’d jump off the nearest bridge tomorrow. It’s enough (almost) that I am healthy.

So what’s to be done??

I think we all need to take a long look at ourselves and think about the things that truly matter. Stop thinking our lives would be better if only…When we gather with our girlfriends, aim to rise above the lazy impulses we all have to put ourselves down. Misery is NOT good company in this case. Take a cue from the narcissists (ahem, 80 percent of men) and brag about our achievements more and give ourselves a break for a change. We’re already terrific cheerleaders for others. Why not take a vow to cheerlead on our own behalf? Maybe make a game of it. The first person who mentions how fat she is, has to buy dessert. Ha!

I know it’s an impossible task. When I’ve tried to steer conversations of this sort in different directions, I’ve had little success. We’re conditioned to complain. We’re particularly conditioned to complain about our bodies. But it’s never going to get better if we don’t try to change the conversation and set better examples for the next generations. I know 5-year-olds who are already struggling with the “F” word. And that’s not OK.